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life on ice

Updated: Jun 7, 2023

It takes time to adjust to a new season, both figuratively and literally. I feel like we’ve come through a bit of a deep freeze; a long, cold winter. Thankfully, brighter days are ahead.

I have trouble shaking off the effects of feeling frozen. It is like the world carried on, but I was stuck in place, waiting for the thaw. I wasn’t completely aware of the passage of time, or in tune with my senses.

It is not easy to just pick up and carry on. A lot has changed. For one thing, I am older now. Whether I want to admit it, or not, that has had an impact on me, physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially. I have also had a change of mindset. After missing two years of regular routines for work, travel, enjoyment, and socialization, it is no wonder not everything makes sense.

It took a long time for the life I built to lose its shape, so it will take some time for the new version of it to form. It is an exercise in patience, even though I am not always patient, especially with myself. I am trying not to focus too much on quantifying any of it. If I measure now against then, I get lost in what was, instead of what will be.

The coping mechanisms I subconsciously and protectively adopted have an impact on my current reality. Now that I am no longer in survival mode, and my fortress of solitude is melting, I am starting to notice the effects of it all. The toll is apparent.

My body is tired, so I allow myself to rest. My brain is tired, so I forgive my lack of focus and memory lapses. I long for more socialization, so I am scheduling as much time with people as possible, even though it still feels awkward. I am consciously inviting joy back into my life, even when it is hard to. I am also reclaiming the things that still make me happy, and looking for new things that will.

I am making plans for the future, and in the future, which is a good sign. Time no longer stands still. It has started to flow again, even if it’s still a little slushy. There is a change in seasons, and the chance for renewal, reinvention and resurgence.

From now on the only thing I want on ice is my drinks 🦋

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