Updated: Oct 18, 2021
"No one can complete us. That has to happen in our own time, at our own pace, and in our own space. Your life is yours. Slide the pieces around until you see the version that suits you"
Life is abstract, at least a lot of it seems to be. It is a little like a slide puzzle. There are an endless number of sequences, but it can’t be solved unless you push the tiles the right way. The good news is, if it doesn’t make sense going in one direction, you can simply try another, until things fit.
With life on pause, I’ve had time to think about the way my own life fits together. A series of moves allows my puzzle to take shape. I have questioned how things have unfolded, especially these past two years. It’s been necessary to acknowledge my role in preventing certain parts of the picture from being complete. Even with many factors beyond my control, and the scope of options narrowed, I need to move the pieces. I am not merely a character in my story. I am responsible for how it unfolds.
By questioning and pondering, I have faced the difficult reality that I have relinquished my power, or diminished myself by not being proactive, but also by letting others have too much say, and sway in my life. I let them thrust their agendas, needs, and opinions upon me. I wanted the people around me to feel comfortable, so at times I put their comfort ahead of my own. Unkind words, backhanded remarks, criticisms, or presumptions could stop me in my tracks. External forces were pushing my pieces around, preventing some of my forward momentum.
Being pushed can be a good thing, but not if the tiny nudges send you in the wrong direction. It is like death by a thousand cuts. Over time, they add up, and before you realize it, you are off course. I have realized some people, even unintentionally coveted my personal space to the extent I relinquished far too much of what was available. I let the problems, and needs of others become more significant than my own. I sometimes let them covet my good fortune, even the very personal triumphs and gifts.
I think coveting is a form of envy. It is a way to stop our pain, cover up disappointments, or try to find our missing pieces. We decide an aspect of someone else’s life is more appealing, so we latch onto it, even if it is not ours for the taking. Focusing on other people’s lives distracts us from dealing with our own. I am sure I have coveted without even realizing it. Somehow believing if I had what they have, my life would somehow be better.
I am aware of the destructiveness of envy, and am committed to dismantling it from the inside out. I have detached from things that do not serve me. I have also decided not everyone is allowed in, and have distanced myself from those who seek to steal pieces of me. In the absence of some of the negative influences, I have a much clearer picture.
It is unhealthy to compare our life to someone else’s. In reality, we can’t trade our life for another, and even if we were given the option, I’m not sure we would. If I told you right now you could trade your life for mine, would you? You'd have to give up everything, the bad and the good. I don’t think you would. Looking externally is not the solution.
No one has anything that will give your life more meaning or value. That all happens from within.
No one can complete us. That has to happen in our own time, at our own pace, and in our own space. Your life is yours. Slide the pieces around until you see the version that suits you.