the things inside
Updated: May 13, 2020
"There are many learning tools at our finger tips if we want them. It is also okay not to want them. It took me a long time to get to the point where I acted and made tangible steps towards new forms of personal fulfillment. These personal things live inside you, and only you can figure them out."
I may regret this post because it could end up being both embarrassing (to me) and painful (for others), but I will humble myself to put it out there anyhow.
In my time of intense self-reflection, I sought answers to many things. For quite some time now I have tasked myself with proofing certain things to ensure they still served a purpose in my life, but also challenging myself to justify why I let other things go. For example, a couple of years ago I started taking English riding lessons with a friend. I rode and showed horses as a kid and realized that although I would not soon have a horse in my back yard, it was entirely possible to drive to a stable where they will rent you an entire horse, complete with tack and instruction, for a reasonable rate. I did that until some reoccurring back issues made it difficult to do it, but I will return to it when I am able.
More recently, I asked myself why I was not learning to play the guitar that sat dutifully in my home waiting for the day I would pick it up. It was given to me years ago, by my Aunt who has since passed away. In taking it, the stipulation was I would learn to play it. I had not. After my journey into emotional isolation, I was evaluating ways to feel more connected to the things that make me happy. I decided to start guitar lessons. When I asked myself why I had not done this prior, I realized the reason was rather juvenile. I had not done so up because nobody was going to do it for me. I had to do it myself. My mum was not going to call the music school and then drive me over there, or ask me if I had practiced. She may have been the last person who ever made me a music lesson in the past, but now it was up to me. I realized I knew how to do this. I am a person of action. I did this years ago when I went back to university to pursue my two writing degrees. This too is in me.
So, I am taking lessons. Unfortunately, with our current world events, the in-person lessons are now either on hold or have to take place virtually, but there are options. I signed up for Fenders offer for three months free lessons on their on-line platform and I am taking those lessons. While I was at it, I decided to take an online course: Yale University's free online course The Science of Well-Being.
There are many learning tools at our finger tips if we want them. It is also okay not to want them. It took me a long time to get to the point where I acted and made tangible steps towards new forms of personal fulfillment. These personal things live inside you, and only you can figure them out.
Here is a link to the Fender site
Here is a link to the Yale course